Core Message
Calling it love doesn’t just hurt. It costs you your truth. And that's price too high for your heart and soul to pay.
What Will You Learn
The audience will walk away able to tell the difference between someone healing their wounds and someone using them as weapons. Because no matter how much "potential" they have, you can’t build a healthy relationship with someone still at war with themselves.
Key Takeaways: Red Flags in Communication Don’t Always Scream
1. Some red flags whisper.
If their words sound right but their actions leave you confused, anxious, or constantly questioning yourself—pay attention. Lovebombing, breadcrumbing, blame-shifting, avoidant silence, and dismissive communication often show up quietly but leave deep emotional impact. Just because they aren’t yelling doesn’t mean they’re safe.
2. You’re not their healer.
If they’re emotionally unwell, avoidant, or operating from trauma, it’s not your job to rescue or fix them. You can have compassion for their past and still name the present truth: they’re not showing up for the relationship in a healthy, reciprocal way. Staying to prove your love won’t change someone who isn’t choosing to grow.
3. If they let their friends influence relationship decisions, that’s a red flag.
When someone gives their friends the role of emotional advisors or “pseudo parents,” especially because they lacked parental support growing up, they’re often outsourcing maturity. Friends who feel like "family" may mean well but are actually reinforcing blind spots. They may unknowingly parent them from their own wounds. They are not trained to guide emotional growth like a therapist, are not trauma-informed, don’t love unconditionally like a real parent, and usually want what's comfortable for them, not what’s best for you two. If your partner can’t trust themselves without their best friends' approval, it’s a sign they may not be ready for emotionally secure, adult relationship. This can play out in several areas: conflict, sexual intimacy, and the inability to create a safe space for you (even if they enjoy the safety you provide them). Because someone who still needs to be parented will struggle to truly partner and create real intimacy.
4. Red Flags in Attachment Styles
Understanding attachment styles helps decode relationship patterns that can feel confusing or even damaging. Anxious attachment often shows up as clinginess, constant worry about being abandoned, and emotional intensity that overwhelms the connection. Avoidant attachment tends to look like emotional distance, a fear of vulnerability, and a refusal to truly let others in, even while staying physically close. Fearful-avoidant (disorganized) attachment is the most chaotic, marked by intense intimacy followed by sudden coldness, creating a painful push-pull dynamic. Even secure partners can miss these signs early on, especially when chemistry is high and later, when we're in love. Red flags in attachment don’t always scream; they often whisper through patterns.